Politics
January 7, 2016 -- 8:00 p.m.
"Welcome to THBN Front Page News, Pam Jones reporting. We open our newscast with this unusual and yet unconfirmed report from a confidential source of proven reliability. Yesterday morning, President Delaney and Albert Swoboda, Speaker of the House, apparently departed Andrews Air Force Base on an unannounced flight aboard Air Force One. After landing at Pope Air Force Base in North Carolina, they boarded a helicopter bound for Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, also in North Carolina. Upon their arrival, the Commander of the fourth Fighter Wing escorted them to a heavily guarded Air Force C-17 parked nearby.
"The C-17 carried a mysterious device recovered from the wreckage of an unidentified flying object found in 1947 near Roswell, New Mexico. The unfortunate arrival of this vehicle, now alleged to be from the future, spawned both a book and a movie portraying it as an unidentified flying object. Initially, the government tried to pass off the debris found at the crash site as a weather balloon bearing a radar target panel. As this deception began to founder, the government covertly encouraged the media to focus on the false trail of the patently unprovable unidentified flying object craze.
"An engraved metal plate, recovered from the wreckage, identified the wreckage as a vehicle from the future bearing three devices containing messages. Only one undamaged device remained intact after the crash. Recently, the impregnable force field surrounding this device began to display a countdown clock that suggested it would deliver its message at noon yesterday.
"This message, from the year 2068, warned of an alien invasion in the year 2042. A hologram of Dr. Brian Butler, who stated he was eighty years old, delivered a frightening discourse from the future. Ironically, Dr. Brian Butler, age twenty-nine, recently met with the president regarding a vacant staff position on a government research project.
"As additional information becomes available, you can count on THBN Front Page News to have it first. Please stay tuned as this fascinating story unfolds."
The White House, January 7, 2016 -- 9:30 p.m.
"We have wasted the last thirty minutes trying to place blame for this fiasco. I called you together to formulate a damage control plan and I want your ideas now. If we are going to rebut this report, we should do it during prime time. Jim, how should we react to this news report?"
"Mr. President," the chief of staff responded, "I recommend total denial. In fact you should label this report as ludicrous and offer up a logical, but irrefutable pretext for your visit to North Carolina. Their confidential source will not risk exposing himself to prosecution by backing up his allegations with public testimony."
"Harv, do you concur with Jim's recommendation?"
The press secretary stood and while shaking his head said, "No, Mr. President, I do not. This could be an insidious trap inviting you to stick your neck out with a hasty denial. If this informant recorded the event with a bodycam and released the disk after your denial, your political future would be toast."
"Harvey neglects to mention that the Secret Service searched the plane and everyone present before you and the Speaker arrived. They also sealed the video cameras and I personally cut the seals and took custody of the disks. I do not believe that anyone had an opportunity to make an unauthorized recording of this event."
"OK, we go with denial. Jim, work with Harv on this and issue it as, directed by, to see if we can spring any of the 'insidious traps' that concern Harvey. If nothing breaks by late Monday I will get onboard officially and stall until the news media loses interest. Jim, I want you to ask the party chairman to leak some diversionary dirt about a senior member of the opposition. Any questions?"
"What happens if a recording does exist?"
"Well Jim, I would expect you to fall on the sword of your bad advice and tender your resignation for the release of an unauthorized statement. Then you will be free to return to your law firm and the 'big money' you mention so often."
January 7, 2016 -- 11:00 p.m.
"Good evening and welcome to THBN Front Page News, Dean Smith reporting. James Anderson, the president's chief of staff, just released the following statement regarding our earlier report concerning a message from the future."
"The president has directed me to reveal the following confidential information. Yesterday, the president attended a meeting with the top officials of a South American country regarding our mutual efforts to end the flow of illegal drugs into our country. The drug cartel's recent threat to assassinate several of these officials prompted us to take every precaution including the choice of this unlikely setting for our meeting. The president regards the earlier report of an alleged message from the future to be a classic example of news media irresponsibility."
January 8, 2016 -- 9:00 a.m.
"Good morning and welcome to THBN Front Page News, Paula Jenkins reporting. Our earlier report regarding a message from the future has taken an astonishing turn. Less than an hour ago, the honorable Albert J. Swoboda, Speaker of the House, visited our studio. He personally delivered and vouched for the authenticity of the pair of video disks we are about to air. On the first disk is a statement from the speaker while on the second is a recording of the alleged message from the future.
"We will withhold our opinion regarding the validity of this message until our editorial review board meets regarding this matter. We will now air these videos in their entirety. I am certain that you will find these messages as intriguing as I did."
"Recent events have convinced me that I can no longer serve both mammon and God. Therefore I, Albert Swoboda, Speaker of the House, have decided to resign from office effective immediately. Two days ago, I joined the president and our senior military leaders to view a message from the future. God has spoken to me and revealed that this message is from the desperate minions of Satan. They seek our unwitting collaboration in enhancing their ability to oppose the Second Coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ. A heavenly chariot, bearing the seven angels of God, will arrive in the year 2042 and suffer an attack by the military forces of Earth. This attack will use the weapons of war we stockpile today as our evil legacy for the future.
"Our beguiled president, now an unwitting tool of Satan, will soon seek to increase this immoral reserve of death and destruction. Even as I speak, he has authorized a program of genetic engineering to alter man and create a superior being immune to the wrath of God. We must prevent this act of depravity and remove him from office.
"The Revelation of Saint John, the Divine ends with, 'The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all, Amen.' Now the followers of Satan seek to write a new version of the blessed words of Saint John. I will retire to a place of solitude and pray for guidance on how I can best serve our Lord in his coming battle against the forces of darkness."
The White House pressroom, January 8, 2016 -- 3:00 p.m.
"Good afternoon. I have a prepared statement that I wish to read and I will not take any questions today. Yesterday evening, I, James Anderson, wrote and issued an unauthorized press release regarding the president's recent visit to the Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. Unforseen events have exposed my press release as a blatant lie. With a deep sense of regret for my actions, I will comply with the president's request for my immediate resignation."
Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia, January 9, 2016 -- 1:00 p.m.
It was a cold winter's day as the old minivan carefully negotiated the long, narrow driveway leading to the isolated cottage belonging to the brother of Albert Swoboda. A small man of oriental descent and indeterminate age stepped out of the stolen vehicle after turning it around before parking. He confidently approached the door and knocked loudly while keeping a careful eye on his surroundings.
As Albert Swoboda opened the door, he immediately recognized his visitor and said, "Good afternoon Master Chief. I suppose the president sent you to talk some sense into his misguided friend."
"No Mr. Speaker, he sent me to kill you."
"I see. May I ask how I am to die?"
"We have prepared a carefully forged suicide note and I can complete my task without your cooperation. However, the president believes that you may prefer to spend a strenuous afternoon working at the woodpile to avoid tarnishing your Christian reputation with the stigmata of suicide."
"Did he explain why he wants me dead?"
"Sir, the president believes that your interference with his preparation for the impending alien invasion would place the entire human race in jeopardy."
"Then he truly believes the so-called message from the future."
"So do I Mister Speaker, so do I."
"Well, times-a-wasting. Let us go out to the woodpile. Apparently this will be my last opportunity to do something useful."
January 10, 2016 -- 1:00 p.m.
"Good afternoon and welcome to THBN Front Page News, Paula Jenkins reporting. A tragic new chapter is unfolding in the controversial story regarding the message from the future. The Honorable Albert Swoboda, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, died sometime yesterday afternoon at his brother's summer cottage on Smith Mountain Lake in Virginia.
"Swoboda apparently suffered an exertion-related heart attack while splitting wood. A local resident discovered his body early this morning when he arrived to go ice fishing with Swoboda. They planned this outing when Swoboda picked up the cottage keys on the evening of the eighth."
The White House pressroom, January 12, 2016 -- 5:00 p.m.
The pressroom became silent as everyone rose from his or her seats upon the president's arrival. After looking up from his notes, the president said, "I would like everyone present to take a moment to offer a prayer for our good friend, Albert Swoboda." A few moments later the president said, "Thank you, we have all suffered a grievous loss. Please take your seats. I will make a brief statement before I take your questions.
"The video disk released by Albert Swoboda regarding the message from the future is a full and accurate recording of the actual event. Initially, I decided that we should classify this message top-secret and withhold it from the public. Albert Swoboda's intervention forced me to reevaluate my earlier decision and I now realize that the information from the future regarding the forthcoming alien invasion belongs to everyone.
The Government Printing Office will produce enough copies of our video recording of the message from the future to meet the demand for this extraordinary information. These copies will be available for a nominal fee to cover reproduction and shipping costs. My administration will actively encourage all interested parties to analyze this information and share their conclusions. Now, I will take your questions."
Suddenly, the once somber and silent pressroom erupted in a cacophony of calls vying for the president's attention. President Delaney pointed to the eldest reporter present and said, "Sam, I will take your question first."
The pressroom became quiet as the feisty old reporter said, "Mr. President, Albert Swoboda described you as an unwitting tool of Satan and called for your removal from office. He also suggested that you consider the Second Coming of Christ as an act of war. Can you explain why he made these accusations?"
"Sam, You never disappoint me. I like to call on you first to get the tough questions behind me at the beginning of these events. Albert Swoboda recently celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday and he freely admitted that his best days were in the past. Frequently, he expressed a desire to return to the pulpit of the Baptist Church that he left so long ago to serve as a member of congress. Although his recent words and deeds are shocking, I am not going to stand here and trash an old and dear friend.
"With unrestricted access to the same information that Al used to reach his conclusions, others can determine if his allegations had merit. I sincerely hope that the release of this information will serve to vindicate me before I run for reelection. Margaret, I will take your question now to allow Sam time to formulate his follow up question."
Sam reluctantly deferred his question as Margaret asked, "Mr. President, is Dr. Butler involved in the genetic engineering work mentioned by the speaker? Will the results of Brian, the elder's lifetime of work be released to the public?"
"Margaret, the speaker's accusation regarding genetic engineering is completely unwarranted. I approved the hiring of Dr. Butler to an important position regarding crop yield increases through genetic research. If I remember correctly, the message from the future alluded to additional assignments he received from my successors. In time, you can probably ask them about this matter.
"Later this evening I will meet with Dr. Butler and ask him to direct the important task of analyzing the scientific data we received from the future. We will not release the scientific data generated by a research program funded by the United States until this task is complete." With a surreptitious glance at Sam, the president asked, "Margaret, do you have another question?"
"Yes, Mr. President, I do. Do you give credence to the allegation that an alien invasion will occur in the year 2042? Also, what actions will you propose to prepare for this invasion?"
"My gut feeling is that the information regarding the invasion is true. Our goal is to promote a worldwide debate by the widest possible distribution of this information received from the future. I pray that this debate will quickly lead to a consensus on what measures that the world should take in this matter. Sam, are you ready with your customary follow-up question?"
"Yes, Mr. President, I am, and I will ask it when my respected colleagues cease their attempts to curry favor with their silly laughter."
The White House, January 12, 2016 -- 9:00 p.m.
"Would either of you care to join me while I enjoy an after dinner snifter of our house brandy?" Disappointed with the negative nods of both Mandy and Brian, the President said with a sigh, "Well, my wife would approve of your response. It is a shame she could not be here to meet you.
"I want both of you to get your personal affairs in order before assuming your new responsibilities. Mandy, General Gates has authorized a two-month leave for you. Brian, we arranged a substantial hiring bonus and a two-month leave of absence without pay for you. General Gates will bring Brian's check and the leave authorizations to tomorrow's meeting of the committee."
"Thank you, Mr. President. This is a wonderful surprise. Mandy and I have discussed visiting our families and you have just made our plans possible. When we visit her aunt, I expect I will feel as awkward as a certain news correspondent did today. Sam's expression of consternation at being out maneuvered made my day. However, I am concerned about the impact this 'consensus' you hope to achieve will have on our work."
"I see no reason to concern yourself about the world reaching a consensus as it will never happen. I brought that idea into focus as a diversionary tactic in hopes that the news media will ignore the work we are doing while they pursue this illusion."
"Your tactic may very well succeed as I thought that was an appropriate response to these events."
"By the time you return to work, General Gates will have a computer facility set up and staffed at the Lawrence Livermore Labs in California. You can begin to build your database at Livermore while using their security to avoid contact with the news media until you can safely occupy your facility in Portland. While the press focuses on your activities in California, Mandy can prepare the facility in Portland without drawing their attention.
"A very good friend of mine has a coastal retreat in northern California with a guest cottage that you and Mandy can use to discuss operational matters on weekends. General Gates has authorized your weekly flights to Eureka and will provide a car for the drive to the coast.
"When the committee meets tomorrow afternoon, I hope both of you will support my choice of General Gates for chair." The president rose from his chair and said as he walked them to the door, "I have enjoyed our visit and hope you both enjoy your vacations." After exchanging the traditional pleasantries, a member of the president's staff escorted Brian and Mandy to a waiting car that took them to their hotel.
Later
"Admiral. Your mind is not on the game. I will have you in check in two more moves."
"I concede the game Master Chief. Did Al say anything before he died?"
"He said to tell you that he hoped the food in heaven was as good as that 'fine White House food'. Bill, watching Al at that woodpile was tougher than anything I did during my entire thirty years with the SEALS. Al tried to hide his pain and exhaustion, but I could tell -- he, he kept swinging the ax until the end."
"May God forgive us Roberto, may God forgive us."